I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The feeling are messing with the penis
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
