He uses pillows to masturbate.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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