Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
