Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
