Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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