Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
