I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
