I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
