I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
