omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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