are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
