My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
