I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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