She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
