another moral hangover. fuck.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Randomize