She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
