the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
