She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
