There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
