What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
