i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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