whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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