Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
