i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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