So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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