It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
