VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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