Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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