You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize