you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
