i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize