just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
