so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
