My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
