Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
