At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
