no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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