I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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