You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
