cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
