i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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