Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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