I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
