Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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