I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
