well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
