I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
did i just pee glitter
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
