I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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