She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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