my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
