I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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