I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
