Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
