she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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