I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
