the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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