508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
