did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
