You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize