We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
