they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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