How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
