Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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