I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize