i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
