Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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