I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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