i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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