Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
