I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
