Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You ruined the universe
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
